Reader,
For the last couple of years, I’ve been grappling with creating a clear work-life separation. For those who may not know, I've been running my own business for six years now. Even typing that makes me go, "Wow!"
My current living situation is unique, so let me start there.
My partner, who will likely see this email (hi, love!), is an amazing person, and we have a lot of fun together. He left his day job too, and, like me, enjoys being at home, so he's here pretty much all day. My adult son, who also enjoys being at home and is currently between jobs, is home all the time too.
I think you can see where this is going.
As someone who not only works from home but runs a business from home (which means longer hours and sometimes no pay for hours worked), I’ve realized I need a real separation between home life and work. It may not seem like a big deal to come out of a powerful client call only to be asked by someone at home, “Hey, where’s the peanut butter?” but it can totally derail the post-call momentum and the deep reflection I need to extract data and gain insights. But the work to be done is work I have to do.
This is where the importance of setting boundaries has most recently come into play for me.
Side note: I will say, this is why one-size-fits-all strategies often don’t work. We all want the “how”…
- How do I get creative balance?
- How do I make money from my art?
- How do I stop being so damn burned out?
But if we aren’t willing to do the deep work of self-discovery, and it is here where we can make mistakes, experiment, and figure things out, real change can't occur. We have to change our thinking. Through self discovery, here’s what I’ve learned about myself:
- I know I need a lot of alone time.
- My living situation is unique (as all of our lives are), so I need to build strategies and boundaries that suit who I am and my life right now.
- I love my family, but being my authentic self means I need uninterrupted reflection time every single day and without feeling bad about it.
- I need to make decisions (sometimes) without having to consult anyone.
- I don't yet have my license (damn!)
- the bus service here is only every couple of hours
- I'm in a small tourist town where in the winter all the businesses are shut
Here’s the action I took:
I’ve decided that my mornings from 5 am to 8:30 am are my prime time (I am an early bird and I go to bed at 9pm LOL), mornings are the lifeblood of my day. In summer, I may work from the local cafe for an hour or two! I bubble-wrap mornings. During that time, it’s like my life doesn’t exist. That time is for me to do what I want without question, conversation, or interaction. There are some other small changes I'll have to make and some things to communicate, but I'm still working on that part.
Oddly enough, I’ve done something similar to protect my creative time on weekends, but never made the connection that this could work for my work and personal time too!
The question, “Where else does this show up in my life?” helped me get here. Where else in my life do I see the desire for solitude? How can I meet this need by building processes around it?
In my coaching certification program, we’ve been learning a lot about how being intentional about getting our needs met can eventually cause us to need... less.
I’m sharing this with all of you because this is the Say No with Love newsletter! Saying no with love can mean saying yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself can lead to a more purposeful creative life. Even when bumps show up, we have data to look at. I may have thought, “Oh, I’m not cut out to run a business!” But looking at the data (I have been doing this for six years, I need alone time, I can meet my own needs), I know it’s just a matter of looking at what’s possible, what I can change, what I communicate and then taking the jump to do it.
Reflection question:
What’s going well for you in your life right now? Where else might you need to do some tweaking based on what you know about yourself?
Ps if you enjoy this weekly personal email, can you share it with a couple of friends? If they like it, they can subscribe here!
Chelene
